I can only see them as defective adults.

If we expect children to behave as adults, of course we will find them tiresome. If we expect water to be milk, we will be continually disappointed.

But -- since we can control and direct our expectations -- why should we set ourselves up for such inevitable annoyances?

But we do.

We are constantly expecting things unreasonably, and then being disappointed, shocked, heartbroken, and betrayed. It would be so much more rational simply to take things as they come, without expectations.

But that would involve a degree of detachment that most of us would find impossible -- even repulsive.

 It would mean unhooking our feelings from other people's behavior.

"But I care about her," we say. "Of course I want her to . . ."

It doesn't much matter what we want her to do; get married, get divorced, brush her teeth at night, or come in before midnight.

What matters is our involvement, our expectations. We can care about her and still not feel hurt by her actions that may not be what we want. 

Hurtful actions are another matter; but she has a right to be who she is, just as we all do.

Wouldn't it be better if we just let go, and let people be who they are?

 Then we'd be able to see them as they are -- with all their beauty and goodness in which we take joy, and with all their faults which we can also see in ourselves. 

When we have put someone up on a pedestal, sculpturing them to fit our needs and desires by smoothing out the rough edges and creating new curves here and there, we cannot see the real person underneath our work.

All we see is the illusion we have created. That is denying the person's real identity and is disrespectful.

It's much better for our friends and for ourselves if we drop our expectations and illusions, and accept them all just the way they are.